Texting your ex: Why it’s a bad idea
Sometimes less communication is better
Breakups hurt, but you don’t have to keep suffering.
If your ex doesn’t text back, take note.
It’s best to stay away from texting them, period.
Let’s face it, breakups are no fun. Whether it was a calm or messy split, these moments hurt. What’s more, you may feel more inclined to text your ex when you’re feeling down or hurt because of the breakup. Even though you may want to talk to your ex, it’s best to avoid texting your ex after you’ve broken up.
Time heals all wounds, and sometimes it’s necessary to take time and space away from your former partner. Although texting is convenient, it’s a poor tool for complex communication. Here are a few reasons why texting your ex after a break up won’t do you any favors.
These things take time
Everyone heals differently, and breakups are no different. Although there isn’t a set time frame for when you’ll finally be over your ex, these things can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years to fully get over.
“It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., New York-based marriage and family therapist. “On the other hand, if you’re just dating someone casually and you’re not really that into the relationship, you can get over them in less than a week.”
So, if you feel like it’s taking longer than it should to get over your ex, be patient. The last thing you’ll want to do is text your ex. If you text them, you’ll likely experience an array of emotions that will have you falling for him again. You can fall into feelings for your ex weeks, months, and even years after the breakup. Therefore, texting your ex should be off-limits regardless of when the break up took place.
“It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are,” says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist.
To make matters worse, continuing to text your ex may spark further disagreements or arguments between you. There’s no use in beating a dead horse, and fighting over a dead relationship is no different. To ensure you can begin to truly recover from your break up, avoid texting your ex as much as you can.
Delete his number
OK, maybe you don’t want to be as bold as deleting your ex’s number. Even so, you’ll need to make an effort to create some space between you two if you ever want to get over him. This includes not texting your ex.
Communicating with your ex post-breakup can lead to a variety of upsetting emotions. You may want to get back with your ex. You may get angry at your ex for things they’ve done in the past. You may beg your ex for forgiveness. The easiest way to avoid all of these messy feelings is to eliminate all communication with your ex to give yourself time to heal.
You may start to feel lonely, and that’s normal. Instead of texting your ex, consider distracting yourself in the meantime. Go for a walk in nature. Set a shopping or movie date with a few friends. Treat yourself to a nice dinner or a pedicure. All of these activities will keep you occupied, making it less likely that you’ll text your ex.
A deeper dive — Related reading from the 101:
Helpful tools to soft-land splitting up with your partner
Learn how to love yourself before you try loving someone else