Second time’s the charm? Whether getting back with your ex ever pans out
There are lots of romantic songs about breaking up, but maybe there should be more about making up. We often break off relationships that aren’t working and that can be quite painful, whether it’s a simple breakup or a divorce. However, studies show that in about 40% of the cases when a relationship is rekindled, it will succeed. What makes the difference? Here are some considerations.
Love Makes Time Pass
There’s a proverb that goes: time makes love pass, love makes time pass. If you break up with someone and the pain doesn’t lessen over time, but instead increases, that may be a sign that it’s worth going back and re-examining what happened. The key is finding out if your ex feels the same, and wants to honestly work on what drove you apart.
Learning From Past Mistakes
The big difference between couples who make it the second time around and those who don’t is simple – fix what’s broken. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of maturing emotionally. Sometimes it’s something that changes in time, like distance, or job or family interference. Whatever the issues, couples who really want to get back together will find ways to work through them.
The Key Is Communication
Couples who honestly communicate their feelings have a much better chance of making it work the second time. Whether it’s just one-on-one talking, or using a third party like a relationship therapist, couples who really communicate what they felt went wrong the first time are better able to find solutions.
Sometimes both partners simply need to mature emotionally in order to create a healthy, happy relationship. Selfishness, drama, lack of communication – oftentimes these are hallmarks of immaturity and not a symptom of a relationship that’s unworkable. Therapists can often help couples see that when those maturity issues are resolved there is room for a happy relationship after all.
You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Til It’s Gone
Sometimes it’s simply a matter of not taking your partner for granted. Complacency can be the death or a relationship. If you break up with someone and later realize there is a terrible gaping hole in your life, maybe it’s time to get back in touch and see if they feel the same way. If both parties are equally unhappy apart, maybe the next time around things will be different.